Are You Quinquelingual? Perhaps It’s Time to Learn …
“Each of us wants to know that what we do matters …. and that we matter.” Gary Chapman, PhD and Paul White, PhD, co-authors of the book The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace
Do you like to feel appreciated? Well duh! And so does everyone else. Yet, in the midst of our incredibly challenging circumstances, “not feeling appreciated” at work is a common theme I’ve been hearing from colleagues both locally and around the country … or as is more commonly expressed, “I’m just not feeling the love right now.” And if we’re not feeling appreciated, we’re likely not expressing it to others either, and that leaves an incredible vacuum for “negative emotional contagion” to run rampant across our organizations and communities (and families). So, the real question is not if, but rather how do you (and they) like to be appreciated?
Perhaps you didn’t realize that not everyone likes to feel appreciated in the same way, and that your attempts to show appreciation to others may be missing the mark. Drs. Gary Chapman and Paul White have devoted a significant portion of their careers to studying the positive impact we can have on each other when we connect in a way that is resonant. Dr. Chapman originally called this type of connection as speaking our “Love Languages,” and the two together brought a similar understanding to the workplace using “Languages of Appreciation.”
Their research found that we are most deeply fulfilled when we receive appreciation in our primary language and that unless we express our appreciation in another’s’ primary language, we “miss the mark” and fail to meet their deepest needs to feel appreciated. This can leave even our “best of intentions” falling far short of potential positive impact and leaving many feeling unsupported and not valued.
They have identified 5 primary “languages”, including Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Tangible Gifts, and Physical Touch, and found that most people have a preferred primary and secondary language. Incorporating awareness of these different “languages” in relationships has been shown to dramatically improve marriages, partnerships and friendships, as well creating stronger connections among coworkers and a more positive workplace environment. That has certainly been my experience over many years. Likewise for sharing my preferences with them.
Having a culture of appreciation at work will not only help us get through these challenging times but will enable us to feel more connected and deepen our relationships. This week, perhaps you can learn more about the preferred language of yourself and others, and then practice learning some new languages to make sure you are “contagious” with appreciation.
To learn more about your “language” (or for a “refresher”), see the resources below:
5 Love Languages Quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/ (Free)
Motivating by Appreciation (MBA) at Work Inventory: https://mbainventory.com/take-online-personality-assessment-inventory/ (NOTE there is a cost for this of $15 for the basic inventory, $25 for a “Medical” version)