Do You Speak Appreciationese?

“Each of us wants to know that what we do matters …. and that we matter.”  Gary Chapman, PhD and Paul White, PhD, co-authors of the book The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

Do you like to feel appreciated?  Hopefully your answer to that question is “Duh!”  I sure do, and most others do as well.  Yet, in the midst of our incredibly challenging work, “not feeling appreciated” is cited in surveys as an all-too-common theme among not only physicians but all members of the care team.  If we’re not feeling appreciated, we’re likely not expressing it to others either, and that leaves an incredible vacuum for “negative emotional contagion” to run rampant across our organizations and communities (and families).  So, the real question is not if, but rather how do you (and others) like to be appreciated? 

Perhaps you didn’t realize that not everyone likes to receive appreciation in the same way, and that your attempts to show appreciation to others may be missing the mark.  Psychologists Gary Chapman and Paul White have devoted a significant portion of their careers to sharing the positive impact we can have on each other when we connect in a way that is resonant.  Dr. Chapman originally called this type of connection as speaking our “Love Languages,” and the two together brought a similar understanding to the workplace using the “Languages of Appreciation.” 

They observed that we are most deeply fulfilled when we receive appreciation in our preferred language/s and that unless we express our appreciation in another’s, we “miss the mark” and fail to meet their deepest needs to feel appreciated. This can mean  even our best of intentions can fall far short of their potential positive impact and leave others feeling unsupported and not valued – often described as “not feeling the love.”

Chapman and White have identified 5 primary “languages” of appreciation, including Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Tangible Gifts, and Physical Touch, and found that most people have a preferred primary and secondary language.   Incorporating awareness of these different “languages” in relationships can help to create stronger connections among coworkers and a more positive workplace environment.  That has certainly been my experience over many years as preferences for how we feel most appreciated are shared and explored.   

Having a culture of appreciation at work will not only help us get through challenging times but will enable us to feel more connected and deepen our relationships.  This week, perhaps you can learn more about (or be reminded of) the preferred language of yourself and others, and then practice learning some new languages to make sure you are “contagious” with appreciation.  And if you want to be contagious with me, a “You da man” with a fist bump will work just fine. 😎

To learn more about your “language” (or for a “refresher”), see the resources below:

·       5 Love Languages Quiz: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/  (Free)

·       Motivating by Appreciation (MBA) at Work Inventory:  https://mbainventory.com/take-online-personality-assessment-inventory/  (NOTE there is a cost for this of $15 for the basic inventory, $25 for a “Medical” version)