Getting to “Yes, I’d Love Your Help”
“Having a need and needing help is not a sign that you’re weak; it’s a sign that you’re human.” — Kate Northrup, MD
As clinicians, we’re conditioned to be helpers—the ones who provide support, solutions, and care. Rarely do we voluntarily allow ourselves to be on the receiving end. Our training and professional culture often lead us to believe that seeking help is a sign of weakness or incompetence. What if instead of avoiding assistance, we embraced it as an opportunity for growth, connection, and resilience? What if we saw accepting an offer of help and asking for help as strengths rather than shortcomings?
A few years ago, while recovering from a debilitating back injury I was given the opportunity to rethink my beliefs about being helped. During my healing journey, I engaged in a conversation with a colleague and PeerRx participant that completely shifted my perspective. When I shared my being-helped challenges with her, she smiled knowingly and provided some words of wisdom: “I’ve learned that whenever someone offers to help me, regardless of what it is, I always find a way to say yes, even when I could do it myself. It allows them to feel useful, and it gives us a chance to connect in a way we might otherwise miss.”
Reflecting on her words, I realized how often I had declined help, even when I really needed it, and how well-rehearsed my “having it all together” act had become. This included seeking help for obvious things such as moving a heavy object (even after my injury!), and professionally for seeking a second opinion or assistance with a procedure. I used to see these requests as either an inconvenience for the other person or as something that threatened my independence or ego. But now, thanks to this reframe, I began to view them as opportunities to build relationships and to strengthen bonds with those around me.
This perspective continues to inspire how I approach being helped – both in terms of accepting it when offered and asking for it more often. In addition, it has changed how I help others. Rather than accepting a “no thanks” or “I’ve got this” response to my offer of help, I find myself saying “let me help you” and just doing it while engaging the other person in a conversation that will enhance our connection. By doing this, I’ve gained valuable insights and often we’ve ended up talking about things of great importance. What I once saw as a sign of dependency or even incompetence has instead become a way to enrich both my professional and personal relationships!
So, this week, I challenge you to say “yes” the next time someone offers you help—no matter how small or trivial the offer may seem. Notice how doing so lightens your day and deepens your connection. Once you get comfortable with this, take a further step and ask for help yourself, even if it feels unnecessary. The goal is to break the habit of mindless isolation and to embrace the connections that can be built through shared support. After all, isn’t that what PeerRx is all about? And it all can start with the simple act of saying, “Yes, I’d love your help.”