Handling Each Other With Care
“We need to be better at helping each other.” Physician colleague who came within minutes of committing suicide
A conversation this week with a colleague who reached out due to some ongoing emotional distress and past suicidal thoughts brought to mind another colleague who 5 years ago came within minutes of choosing to take her life through suicide. Over the years since she has shared details with me of that painful time in her life and the healing journey she has taken.
When we last spoke, she was far enough away from that intensely dark and emotionally raw time to have gained deeper insight. One of the things she told me (and has given me permission to share) speaks directly to why it is so essential to have a buddy (or buddies) who understands what it is like to travel this professional journey called healthcare: “I’m not the kind of person who would ever consider something like suicide – so I thought. But I broke, and the level of emotional pain I was feeling is difficult to describe. It had to be quite obvious to others that something was wrong. I believe they wanted to help, but none of them seemed comfortable in reaching out to me and when they did, it was easy to push them away.” She concluded, “We need to be better at helping each other.”
National Physician Suicide Awareness (NPSA) Day will be on Saturday, September 17th this year. Started in 2018, the vision for this initiative is that this day will serve as a call to action for all of us to re-commit to breaking down stigma, opening the conversation, decreasing the fear of consequences, recognizing warning signs and learning to approach our colleagues who may be at risk for suicide. Of course, it is a tragedy to think that we even need a day to raise awareness of physician suicide, but the statistics indicate that on average, one of our physician colleagues choses to take their life every day, and these statistics do not account for our NP, PA, PhD, PharmD, Allied health, and nursing teammates, all of whom, as we know, are struggling mightily as well. Additionally, the 2022 Medscape Physician Suicide Report indicates almost 1 in 10 physicians have had thoughts of suicide, but more than 1/3 told no one about them.
According to Psychiatrist Michael Meyers, MD, author of the book The Physician as Patient, when a colleague shares that they are having suicidal thoughts, the first step is to thank them for sharing the information; “I’m sure that wasn’t easy, but I appreciate that you respect me enough to share with me. Let’s talk more.” Then ask what you can do to help. If, on the other hand, you note that someone isn’t doing well, reach out and compassionately let them know of your concern and that you’d like to help, and don’t hesitate to ask directly if they’ve considered suicide.
The pressures we face with the work we do are extraordinary. Given this, the entire purpose of the PeerRxMed process is to ensure that “no one cares alone.” It is vital that every one of us has someone we are certain we can reach out to in good times and bad and we know they will be there for us. This is a person who knows us well enough that they would recognize when were weren’t doing well and would feel very comfortable and even insistent on helping to be sure we received the help we needed. The stakes are too high to do otherwise. Let’s all commit to becoming better at helping each other. If you’re not signed up for PeerRx, get a buddy and do so (if you’re not sure how, e-mail me). If you are, encourage others to sign up as well. This is too important to leave to chance. The life that we save could be someone close to us, or even our own.