Hey, I Need Your Help! Who’s Your 2 A.M. Friend?

“I need your help …”   Not said by enough of us often enough

On April 26th, 2020, Lorna Breen, MD, an emergency medicine physician, medical director, educator, mentor, daughter, sister, friend, and inspiration to many, committed suicide.  After weeks of trying to navigate the personal distress brought on by her experience treating patients, often unsuccessfully, on the front lines of the early COVID-19 pandemic in New York City and trying to recover from the illness herself, she apparently reached a point where she felt that she could not go on living.  Though she had sought out and received help along the way, on that day she did not reach out to anyone.  We will never know what she was thinking, as she left no communication – just a void in many lives and questions that don’t have easy answers … ever. 

Almost 2 years later, on March 18, 2022, the Dr. Lorna Breen Health Care Provider Protection Act, which aims to prevent suicide, reduce burnout, and promote emotional health among healthcare professionals, was signed into law.  While too late for Lorna and the many other colleagues who have chosen to take their lives through suicide, it is a positive and encouraging indication that perhaps the conversation regarding help-seeking behavior among physicians and other healthcare professionals is moving in the right direction. 

While Dr. Breen’s circumstances were quite extreme, none of us are immune from the distressors of this professional (and personal) journey, and like her, we never know when they might exceed our personal coping threshold.  We do know that the time to plan for an emergency is not in the middle of it, so what is your plan to deal with overwhelm if (or more likely, when) that time comes?  Or, for some of you, for the overwhelm you are in the midst of right now?  

I believe that part of your plan needs to include what I call your “2 A.M. friends” – friends (beyond your spouse/partner) who you know you could call any time day or night when your life is crashing, or you have exhausted your coping mechanisms and you know they would be there for you. 

How do you know they would be there for you?  Because you have already talked to them about it.  The best way to have 2 A.M. friends is to be one, by explicitly letting close colleagues know you want to be included in their life as someone they could call if they find themselves in a dark place … at any time.  Then ask if they would be willing to do the same for you. 

Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but rather wisdom.  No one should care alone, ever – and that includes you!