Masking Optional! Time to Remove Yours?
“Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing.” – Rick Warren
It finally happened! On March 13th, literally 3 years from the day it went into effect, the “mask mandate” in our organization was lifted. What I thought would be a day of great elation was rather a bit strange and uncomfortable for me, and for many others as well. It was literally the first time I had ever seen the faces of some of our care team – and they mine! I felt a bit “exposed,” almost as if I needed to retrain my face as I tried to remember who the “real me” is behind my mask ….
Masks are a visual representation of something we’ve been doing our entire professional lives. Our “professional persona” masks are part of the “medical attire” that we were trained and encouraged to wear from early on in our professional identity formation. Just as it may not be easy for some of us to become immediately comfortable removing our “COVID” masks, as they have served as a form of “protection,” removing our professional identity mask is even more challenging, as it has helped get us where we are and can often serve as “protection” from the worlds within and beyond medicine.
Recently a colleague and friend “called me out” regarding some mask-wearing that I was doing with them around a dynamic at work for which I feel very passionate, but around which I was glossing over some strong and challenging emotions I was feeling, including disappointment and anger. After our conversation, I was reminded of some wise words shared with me a few years ago by Corey Martin, MD, another colleague who is one of my PeerRxMed partners (https://www.innovationsinresilience.com). He also “called me out” regarding some mask-wearing that I was doing with him when I was experiencing a bit of an emotional pity party around a health issue but was deflecting his overtures to offer support. Here’s some of what Corey wrote to me about my “mask” after our call (shared with permission and gratitude):
“The story you tell yourself is that people don’t really want to hear about it so just suck it up. I will tell you that being on the other side and listening to you through this time what I wanted more than anything from you was for you to REALLY open up and let me know about how much it sucked. That’s what connecting is for me and makes me feel like we are all in this together. It also gives me the opportunity to try to help…. When we open up and talk about the dark underbelly of our life it may feel like it’s easier to put on the happy face but opening up really is what gets us what we so crave in life and need… love and connection. When we put on the happy face, we are also denying others the joy of being able to help us through tough times…. When we don’t talk about our pain, who do we think we are to deny someone who cares about us the joy of helping us?! Opening up is something we as physicians are not great at so we need to encourage this and call each other out when necessary. That’s my ask of you as well.”
Thanks for the gift, Corey. You are so right! While wearing my “COVID mask” has indeed worn me out, it has not done so nearly as much as wearing my “professional mask” has. I’m blessed to have colleagues who will “call me out” when I put mine on, but too many of us continue to be quite skilled at hiding behind our professional mask, even as we remove our literal ones. Be sure you’re not one of them. Invite your PeerRx partner to help you “remove your mask” – or at least allow them a glimpse behind it. It is behind that mask where our healing journey and authentic life begin … and they’re waiting with eager anticipation.