My Declaration of Dependence!

“We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth.”   George Bernard Shaw

This week I received an unexpected personal reminder as to just how dependent we truly are on one another, even the most “independently-minded” of us.   Tuesday morning when I got out of bed and went to walk, I experienced a crushing heaviness in my hips and “glutes” and, crying out in pain, found myself lying on the floor in the bedroom.   But rather than wake up my wife to ask for help, I literally dragged myself across the floor using my arms and was eventually able to stand up enough to hobble around until she woke up, at which time I told her “I think I’m going to be fine.”

My pain was better enough for me to be able to work with the help of some ibuprofen, but after finding myself again on the floor on Wednesday morning, I reluctantly contacted one of my medical partners and arranged to be seen on Thursday.   Without getting mired down in details, we both agreed during that appointment that my back was “very not happy,” and initiated a work-up and treatment plan.

But here’s where the important part of the story starts.  After finding myself on the floor again on Friday morning (and again, of course, not asking for help), I shared with my wife what had happened, and she said, “We have a walker in the basement.  Do you think that would be helpful?”  My one-week-ago self would have scoffed at such a suggestion, but my dragging-myself-across-the-floor-4-days-in-a-row self said, “That would be wonderful!”

And so, for the past 3 days I have been very gingerly ambulating around a very limited part of the house using a 2 wheeled walker, and could not feel more grateful.  And for the past 3 days, I have asked my wife for what I need (food, medicine, hugs), even though there is a deeply ingrained part of me, part of both my personal and professional programming, that is still resisting having to do so.  Perhaps you have some of that “programming” as well.  Most in medicine do, even as we function as “helpers” every day. 

Asking for help has been necessary.  It’s been humbling.  And though I could do without the pain, being willing to ask for help has been wonderfully freeing.  I broke through my outdated programming and did it, and somehow (with help, of course), am still standing. 

So please remember, being willing to ask for help when we need it (and we need it much more that most of us admit) is not a sign of weakness, but rather of wisdom.  I have certainly grown in wisdom over the last 6 days as my body slowly heals.  Don’t wait to get swept off your feet before you are willing to ask for help.  Look for opportunities to become wiser this week.  You’ll be glad you did ….