The Art of Taking Nothing for Granted
Recently I saw a long-time patient who had celebrated her 99th birthday since her last visit She’s in remarkably good health, but she seemed disappointed when I told her we could follow-up in 6 months. “Can we make it three months?” She asked. “I might not be here in 6 months. Besides, I’m planning on getting some new outfits for my 100th birthday, and I want to be sure to show you.” We hugged as she prepared to leave. It was a longer hug than I would normally have felt comfortable with. Then, as she prepared to walk out the door, she turned around and said, “By the way, I sure love being your patient.” “I love caring for you as well,” I replied.
Then yes, I got tearful. She was right. Statistically, that might very well be the last time we see each other. The fact is that for everything we do and for everyone we love, there will be a “last time.” This has certainly been one of the many sobering reminders of the COVID pandemic. And while we “know” this cognitively, if we are willing to stop and reflect on our actions, we don’t always live in a way that demonstrates our awareness of the fleeting nature of those precious present moments. At least that’s the case for me, and I have a sneaking suspicion for you as well.
I’ve blogged before about the “last time meditation” from the ancient Greek philosophy of Stoicism. The premise is quite simple – one is asked to consider, “if I knew this were the last time I was ever doing ____, or being with ____, how would I show up differently than I am presently showing up?” In other words, the Stoics recognized that every moment represents a finite opportunity to savor your life. While at first blush that can seem a rather dark question, given the “reality check” of the last 3 years, the question takes on a much sharper focus and perhaps provides a greater sense of urgency. Indeed, there are “last times” that will be happening in your week this week. Even in your day today.
Over the course of this year, I’ll have the opportunity to connect with many in my extended family. Much has happened since I’ve last seen some of them; graduations, job changes, relationship joys and challenges, new babies, medical diagnoses, financial struggle and success, and deaths of friends and relatives. So, in the midst of laughter and light-hearted fun, I have set an intention to be sure I am showing up fully and taking nothing for granted, knowing that there are likely some “lasts” that are happening and I don’t want to look back with regret at having missed them.
What’s happening in your week that you want to be sure to be fully present for? In those moments, consider taking a pause to perform a brief “last time meditation.” And when appropriate, be sure to tell those who are important to you how much you love and appreciate them. Even if it’s not the “last time,” you’ll be glad you did – and so will they.