The Art of Saying Goodbye

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  — attributed to Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Roman philosopher

Saying goodbye is rarely easy.  For healthcare professionals, farewells come in many forms: patients leaving our care, colleagues moving on, students or residents graduating, or even the close of a chapter in our own lives. These moments, though often difficult, hold within them profound opportunities for connection, reflection, and growth. Goodbyes, when done with care, can be transformative rather than simply uncomfortable or even awkward. 

I still vividly remember the first patient who died under my care as a resident.  In the days before palliative care was integral, Mr. J was one of those terminal patients whose death we all knew was immanent, and yet we avoided talking about it, choosing instead to “offer hope” by trying one more thing.  He was a kind soul who greeted every treatment with deference and humor, but I sensed he intuitively knew of his grim prognosis.  When he died, it hit me hard – not just because I felt the loss of his presence and felt some guilt about his care, but because in my own denial, I never took the time to say goodbye.  I hadn't yet learned the delicate art of acknowledging the end while honoring the journey.  In healthcare, where so much is left unsaid, I realized how important it is to find ways to bring closure, both for others and ourselves.

Research shows that the ability to navigate goodbyes thoughtfully can have a profound impact on emotional well-being. Studies highlight that expressing gratitude, acknowledging emotions, and providing closure can strengthen relationships and solidify connections.  In a profession where transient connections are the norm, intentional goodbyes can anchor us in meaning and remind us of the humanity underlying our work.

Over time I have learned that goodbyes don’t always have to be spoken to be meaningful. Since my time caring for Mr. J, I’ve started incorporating small but intentional gestures into my practice: a note or e-mail (or text) of well-wishes, a moment of silence after a final handshake or hug, or simply telling a colleague, “Thank you, you’ve made a difference.”  These gestures bridge the emotional gap and allow for closure, without the need to be elaborate.  Doing so also reminds me that saying goodbye well isn’t just for others—it’s also for ourselves. 

Moving forward, I challenge you to lean into your goodbyes. Whether it’s the patient you know you may never see again, the coworker heading to a new job (or retirement), or even your own transition into a new role, don’t shy away from the discomfort.  Express gratitude, acknowledge the moment, and find ways to leave a piece of yourself behind.  After all, while goodbyes may not be easy, they serve as a reminder that it’s the connections that make our profession—and our lives—so profoundly rewarding and deeply meaningful, and provide yet one more affirmation of the importance of not trying to care alone