The Healing Power of Forgiveness, Starting With Yourself ...

"Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude." – Martin Luther King Jr.

As healthcare professionals, we dedicate ourselves to helping others heal both physically and emotionally. But what about our own healing, particularly emotional healing, from the challenges of our daily work?  While our work certainly demands excellence, we can hold ourselves to such impossibly high standards that we too often carry the career-long emotional weight of past mistakes, self-doubt, and relentless self-criticism in perpetuity. Doing so doesn’t make us better caregivers; it only drains our energy, clouds our judgment, and keeps us from fully showing up for those who need us now.  One profound yet too-often overlooked process that can help us heal from our emotional wounds is that of self-forgiveness. 

I learned this lesson firsthand during my residency. A minor mistake, quickly corrected, haunted me for months. I replayed it endlessly, convinced I had failed. My internal dialogue was unforgiving, and the guilt became all-consuming. Then one day, a mentor asked me a question that shifted everything: “If a colleague had made this mistake, would you judge them this harshly?” The answer was immediate—of course not. That realization exposed the unfair double standard I had set for myself. I was withholding grace from the one person who needed it most—me.

Research confirms what many have experienced: self-forgiveness is essential for well-being, including reducing emotional burden and fostering inner peace. Yet, in a profession where mistakes can have real consequences, self-forgiveness often feels irresponsible.  But the truth is, self-forgiveness is not about dismissing responsibility—it’s about the practice of learning, growing, and releasing, thus giving ourselves permission to step into the future with clarity, confidence, and renewed purpose rather than being emotionally anchored to the past.  Learning to forgive myself didn’t erase the mistake, but it freed me from its grip.

So how do we begin?  Perhaps start by noticing how your inner voice (or perhaps even outer voice) speaks to you, particularly in those moments of self-chastisement.  Would you ever talk to a struggling friend that way? Challenge that negative inner voice that insists you are unworthy of grace. Remind yourself that making mistakes does not make you inadequate—it makes you human, and that forgiving yourself does not excuse the past, but rather acknowledges your growth and provides an opportunity to start again. After all, how can we extend kindness to others if we refuse to extend it to ourselves?

Here’s my challenge for you: think of one personal or professional mistake or regret you’ve been holding onto – perhaps for a very long time. Ask yourself if carrying that weight is serving you or simply keeping you stuck. Then, take one small step toward self-forgiveness by giving yourself the grace you so readily offer to others, whether by changing your internal dialogue, sharing your burden with your PeerRx partner or another trusted friend, or simply deciding to consciously release it.  Remember, healing isn’t just something we provide—it’s something we, too, deserve.  And forgiveness is an important process for getting there.  Starting with yourself.  You’ll be glad you did.