The Power of Being Thought Of

“Reach out, reach out and touch someone … reach out, call up and just say ‘hi.’”  Award-winning Bell System/AT+T commercial jingle, 1979-1987 *

For some of you, reading the words above will immediately bring a tune to mind, and if so, your “age is showing.”  For 8 years, a series of groundbreaking television commercials touched the hearts of millions, portraying emotionally moving scenarios that at some point involved people using the telephone to connect with each other, even if only to say “hi.”

Of course, with the evolution of technology and social media, it’s easy to imagine that reaching out to “just” say hi, by whatever means, has become rather trite or passe  – that perhaps we have become sensitized or even overwhelmed by the constant barrage of social outreach.   And certainly, those past a certain age will realize that for a younger generation, “saying” hi has been replaced by texting hi, or even replaced by an emoji, a GIF or even a “TOY.” 

But has just saying “hi” really lost its connecting power?  Not necessarily reports a team of researchers in a recently published study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.  Through a series of simple experiments, lead author Peggy Liu and colleagues wanted to determine if there was congruence for the perception of the value of an outreach (a brief call, text, e-mail, or small gift) between “sender” and “receiver” within a social circle.  They discovered that there was a significant and consistent underestimation by the “sender” as to how much people appreciate being reached out to.  They also found that this effect was magnified when there was an element of surprise with regard to the context for the outreach (“just because”) and when the outreach occurred between individuals who were more socially distant from each other (“haven’t seen or heard from you for a while”). 

This study was very affirming for a practice I have up to this point done inconsistently over the past few years.  When someone “comes to mind” during my day, I try to remember to send them an e-mail with the heading “Thought-Of” and a message which includes a brief greeting (“to let you know you were ‘thought-of’ today”) as well as something I’m appreciating about them that day that precipitated my outreach (“Remembering that incredible trip we took together”).  And in line with the findings of the authors, I continue to be surprised at how often there is a reply, frequently accompanied by a request for a more substantive connection by video … or even phone (there’s that jingle playing in my head again).

What about you?  Who are some people in your life for whom it’s time to “reach out … and just say ‘hi’”?  Why not do an experiment this week and briefly reach out to at least one of them.  Then consider making it a regular habit – now knowing that sharing with someone that they are being “thought of” matters more than you likely realized … significantly more.  

*NOTE:  For those who would like to relive a bit of advertising nostalgia, or perhaps experience it for the first time, here’s the original advertisement: Reach Out Ad 1979