The Secret to Last-ing Love
“If I knew this was the last time I’ll see you, I’d tell you I love you, and would not just assume foolishly you know it already.” Gabriel Garcia Marquez, novelist
What do you remember about the last time you were with those in your life whom you would claim to love dearly? What did you talk about? Did you hug them? Laugh or cry with them? Tell them how much they mean to you? What would you regret having said or not said, done or not done, if you were to never see them again?
A story that has literally changed my life was told at a memorial service for a man who had died tragically in a car accident, leaving behind a wife and 2 young children. The pastor who was giving the eulogy concluded by saying, “One thing I know for certain were his last words to his dear wife the last time she saw him. They were ‘I love you.’ I know this because these were the last words he always said to those whom he loved, including me.” I have tried to make this a habit ever since.
The fact is that for everything we do and for everyone we love, there will be a “last time.” This has certainly been one of the many sobering reminders of the COVID pandemic. Indeed, there are “last times” that will be happening to you this week, even in your day today, many of which you will only know in retrospect. And while we “know” this cognitively, if we are willing to stop and reflect on our actions, we don’t always live in a way that demonstrates our awareness of the fleeting nature of those precious present moments. At least that’s the case for me, and I have a sneaking suspicion for you as well.
In the ancient Greek philosophy of Stoicism, there is a thought exercise they called the “last time meditation.” The premise is quite simple. You are asked to consider, “if I knew this were the last time I was ever doing ____, or being with ____, how would I show up differently than I am presently showing up?” In other words, the Stoics recognized that every moment represents a precious finite opportunity to savor your life.
Take a moment to reflect on your upcoming week. Who will you be seeing or communicating with who matters dearly to you? Who’s not on the list who should be? When you are with them or corresponding with any one of them, consider pausing to perform a brief “last time meditation” and see if that allows for you to “show up” differently. And be sure to tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Even if it’s not the “last time,” you’ll be glad you did – and so will they.