Time to Remove Your Mask?

“Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing.” – Rick Warren

It’s time for all of us to stop wearing our masks so much.  But in this case, I’m not referring to the ones made of material.   Instead, I’m talking about our “professional persona” masks – part  of our “medical attire” that we were trained and encouraged to wear from early on in our professional identity formation.  And while there are certainly times when it is appropriate to assume a professional demeanor, many of us find it challenging to ever “remove” that mask, even when not at work. 

Indeed, shedding our professional identity is not easy, particularly when that identity has helped get us where we are and can often serve as “protection” from the worlds within and beyond medicine.  For it’s not just our medical culture that has trained us to wear masks – our broader culture does as well, creating in us a persona that has been described as our “social self.” 

Recently one of my PeerRx buddies, Corey Martin ( https://www.innovationsinresilience.com ), “called me out” regarding some mask-wearing that I was doing with him.  The back-story is that I sustained a quite serious lumbar spine injury in September for which I am continuing a slow and steady recovery, and we were discussing my progress during a recent Buddy Check video call.  During that call, Corey astutely recognized that there were a lot of challenging emotions regarding my recovery that I was glossing over.  Here’s some of what Corey wrote to me about my “mask” after our call (shared with permission and gratitude): 

“As you talk about your back injury, you say that the story you tell yourself is that people don’t really want to hear about it so just suck it up.  I will tell you that being on the other side and listening to you through this time what I wanted more than anything from you was for you to REALLY open up and let me know about it – let me know how much it sucked.  That is connecting for me and makes me feel like we are all in this together, and it also gives me the opportunity to try to help….  When we open up and talk about the dark underbelly of our life it may feel like it’s easier to put on the happy face but opening up really is what gets us what we so crave in life and need… love and connection.  When we put on the happy face, we are also denying others the joy of being able to help us through tough times…. When we don’t talk about our pain, who do we think we are to deny someone who cares about us the joy of helping us?!  Opening up is something we as physicians are not great at and need to support and call each other out on.  That’s my ask of you as well. 

Thanks for the gift Corey.  You are so right!  While wearing my “COVID mask” has indeed worn me out, it has not done so nearly as much as wearing my “professional mask” has.  I’m blessed to have colleagues who will “call me out” when I put mine on, but too many of us were hiding behind that professional mask prior to COVID-19, have been doing so during, and will continue to do so after.  Be sure you’re not one of them.  Invite your PeerRx partner to help you “remove your mask” – or, at least allow them a glimpse behind it.  It is behind that mask where our healing journey and authentic life begin … and they’re waiting with eager anticipation.   

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Getting It Right the First Time