We All Need a “Soul Friend” Colleague

“Friendship is always an act of recognition …. If you realize how vital to your whole spirit — and being and character and mind and health — friendship actually is, you will take time for it.”  John O’Donohue

At its most superficial level, the word “colleague” represents fellow members of the same profession in which one works.  The word originated in the 16th century during the time of trade guilds and lodges of craftsmen.  It is derived from the Latin collēga, equivalent to col- (with, together) + -lēga, a derivative of legere  (to choose, gather).  Thus colleagues are professionals who gather with/together.    

But in the context of PeerRxMed, I have been pondering the deeper, richer possibility the word contains, particularly when viewed through the lens of its synonyms, which include companion, compatriot, comrade, teammate, helper, workmate, and friend.   In my pondering, I was reminded of the work of the late Irish author and poet John O’Donohue and his writing about anam cara.   In the Celtic world, an anam cara was a “soul friend.”   O’Donohue wrote that being an anam cara requires a purposeful presence.  It is that intentionality of heart that sets the true anam cara apart from a traditional friendship or collegial relationship, as relationships between acquaintances or associates involve little of the openness, honesty, trust, or vulnerability that characterizes this deeper type of friendship.   

And I have come to believe we all need anam cara – “ soul friends” – in our professional lives.  The work we do is too challenging, too taxing to not have someone traveling with us who ‘gets it” and “gets us,” and can help us make sense of all we do as well as support us as we weave it into the fabric of our lives.  

How can we enable this to happen? 

I have two PeerRxMed partners, one who I’ve known as a colleague for 25 years, and one who I met for the first time less than 3 years ago.  Both these relationships have incredible depth, richness, and transparency to them – they have become soul friendships.   This has happened because of our willingness to be open and to share of our inner journey, and of our willingness to be present to hear about the journey of the other, perhaps in ways that we have been hesitant to do so with colleagues in the past.   

Being willing to share some of our inner life on this professional journey called medicine is not always easy, but it is worth it.  If you haven’t opened yourself up to that level of friendship with a colleague, perhaps it’s time to give it a try.   Your PeerRxMed partner is the perfect person to take some “relational risk” and allow yourself to be “seen” in new ways.   And if you have opened up more, you already know – we all need a soul friend colleague ….

To that end, below is a blessing written by John O’Donohue that I dedicate to all the PeerRxMed partners around the world.   May you be blessed with such anam cara colleagues.

A Friendship Blessing (John O’Donohue)

May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where
there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them;
may they bring you all the blessing, challenges, truth,
and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging with your anam ċara.