Is it Time for an “End of Life (as I Knew It)” Conversation?

“In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel ‘burnout’ setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself.”  The Dalai Lama

My thanks to all who sent messages regarding last week’s blog on “The Great Reprioritization.”  It appeared to resonate with many who are feeling both demoralized and exhausted right now and have the need to somehow look at present circumstances with fresh eyes.  So this week, I’d like to follow-up and plant some additional seeds of possibility. 

What would you do if you had the next 6 weeks off?  Or, perhaps even more enticing, what would you do if you knew you had 6 weeks off coming up relatively soon, were in good health (except for perhaps feeling a bit “crispy” around the edges), had time to plan for it, had good support around you, and were not having a baby?!

Sadly (not proud of this), I’ve not taken off from work for more than 2 consecutive weeks in the last 26 years.  So it is not surprising that the little voice inside my head said, “that sounds crazy … and awesome!” when one of my colleagues who is a member of the PeerRxMed community shared that she was going to do exactly that, starting soon. 

It also got me thinking about what questions might be important for me to answer as part of my restoration process were I to take such time.  Unexpectedly, the questions that came to mind were those posed many years ago by Atul Gawande, MD in his book Being Mortal.   And when I reflected that these questions were intended to be ask as part of a conversation for those who had a finite time to live, that at times persistent little voice responded, “That’s all of us …”

So here are the questions (modified for context).  Perhaps you could consider them your “End of Life as I Knew It” conversation.  They don’t require taking 6 weeks off to answer, though tragically some people go an entire lifetime without answering most of them even once.  If they (or your own version of them) resonate with you, consider carving out some protected “me times” for reflection and then doing some journaling or even sharing with someone what comes up for you (your PeerRxMed partner?).  You could even frame such times as your “longitudinal sabbatical.”    

·       What is your understanding of your present condition and any “distress” you are feeling? 

·       What are your fears (or worries) about the future?

·       What are your goals for the time you have remaining and therefore, your priorities right now?

·       What outcomes are unacceptable to you and therefore, what trade-offs are you willing to make?

·       What would a good day look like for you?

I greatly admire my colleague for having the insight and courage to realize it was time to take a pause from work and regain perspective.  Doing so is not easy and is certainly not part of our professional programming.  But then again, neither is feeling demoralized and exhausted.   I suspect she’ll experience some “endings” and possibly new beginnings during this time, and if so, hope that she’ll be willing to allow me to share some of her insights with the entire PeerRxMed community.  After all, we’re in this together.  No one cares alone ….