Getting to “I Love Being Helped!”

“Having a need and needing help is not a sign that you’re weak, it’s a sign that you’re human.” – Kate Northrup, Author

I’ve written previously on the PeerRxMed blog that asking for help is not something that comes naturally for me.  Perhaps you can relate?  Indeed, our selection, training, and socialization in medicine often has us believing that our exclusive role in all aspects of our lives is as “helpers” and “caregivers,” rather than as “helped” and “cared for”.    

In that context, my ongoing almost 2-year healing from a serious back injury has provided me the opportunity to overhaul this professional “brain-washing” that we’ve received regarding help seeking and being helped, framed around the question: What if accepting help was a sign of strength and wisdom rather than being perceived as “selfish” or “weak”?

Early in my healing journey, a conversation with a colleague and PeerRxMed participant wonderfully reframed and completely changed my perspective about this.  In discussing the challenges we in healthcare face in accepting help, she shared:  “Whenever someone offers to help me, regardless of what it is, I always find a way to say yes, even when I could easily do it myself!  It allows for them to feel useful and for us to spend some time together that we may not have otherwise had.”  

Wow … I immediately thought of all the times I have declined assistance when someone offered to do something as simple as help with the dishes – or as important as help carry a heavy load (ala back injury) or professionally, to assist with a medical procedure.  What if I viewed these offers not as an inconvenience for them or a need to declare my independence  (or protect my ego), but rather as an opportunity to connect?  And why would I pass up such an opportunity when I know we all hunger for such connection, myself included?!  

Since that time I have extended her wisdom by looking for opportunities to ask others for help as well, even when it would be tempting to do something on my own or I don’t think I really need the help.  This has most importantly resulted in my asking colleagues for their opinion about patient care questions more often.  By doing so, I’ve been blessed by often taking away some insights and pearls that I otherwise would have missed.

So this week, my challenge to you is to accept help whenever someone offers.  It can be for anything.  Then continue to do so regularly until you find that you have broken the very unhelpful habit of trying to be too independent.   Then look for opportunities to ask for their help as well.  Afterall, not going it alone is what PeerRxMed is all about.  And we certainly need each other’s help to accomplish that!