How's Your "Pause! Button" Working?
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Viktor Frankl, MD
It has now been 30 years since I first read Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, through which I was introduced to the quote above by Viktor Frankl, MD, who was a Psychiatrist and Nazi concentration camp survivor. The first of Covey’s 7 Habits, “Be Proactive,” is anchored in the idea that while we may not have complete control regarding the many stimuli that come into our lives (such as COVID-19), we have much more control as how we emotionally respond to those stimuli than many realize. And the secret to this way of being is by developing the ability to tap into a “potential space” that exists between the stimulus and what happens next.
As I began to understand the existence of this potential space, I realized that much of my emotional life was spent in reaction to stimuli, and that many of my stronger negative emotions were being dictated by my amygdala (fight or flight) rather than being regulated by my pre-frontal cortex (the “adult in the room”). And more importantly, that I had the ability to choose my attitude regarding any circumstance I found myself in.
This understanding that I no longer had to be held captive to my emotions literally changed my life. But while the concept is seemingly a simple one, I found making the change from “victim” to “owner” was not easy. As a reminder, I created a literal “Pause! Button” which I wore and would press when I found myself becoming distressed to provide a space to consider my emotional choices. Today, my “pause button” has become a deep breath, during which I ask myself, “are you choosing wisely?” And I continue to wear a Pause! Button as a back-up, just in case ….
Frustration is certainly a reasonable emotional option in the midst of COVID-19, and one that has a strong lure. There are other, more life-giving choices. Which will you choose, moment to moment, this week? May you choose wisely.