Learning to Love My “Manyme’s”
"I contain multitudes." - Walt Whitman, from the poem “Song of Myself, 51”
Many years ago, one of my mentors shared with me that the practice of medicine is, to a certain degree, a “performance art” as we continually adapt ourselves to our patients, their context, and the dynamic environment we work within. He went on to share that as we rapidly shift from compassionate caregiver to decisive leader to so many other identities, our many physician "me's" are ever-changing. This fluidity can be both empowering and exhausting, and it is part of what makes our work profoundly human, deeply impactful, and perpetually challenging.
This week I received a touching reminder of the importance of regulating my many ”me’s” and how, when “the performance” is done well, the result can be life changing for those I care for. At the end of a visit with a very medically challenged young adult patient and his care-giver mother, she handed me an envelope and simply said, “Please read this later” and they both gave me a hug.
That evening, when I wasn’t distracted, I opened the one-page typed letter. It started, “I want to take the time to let you know how grateful I am that you are my son’s physician.” The letter went on to describe her challenges in caring for her special needs son as a single mother, and the impact my care and that of others had on him. Near the end, she wrote, “My son adores you and always looks forward to seeing you, which is quite unusual for him…,” and closed, “There is a special place in Heaven for doctors such as you.” Yes, the tears flowed.
What touched me most as I reflected on this letter was how, of the many “me’s” who regularly show up when I am caring for patients, this is who he, and she, experienced. They saw the good listener, the comforter, the jokester, the teacher. They experienced patient me, calm me, smiling me, and the “never-in-a-hurry” me. What they miraculously did not experience were the many other not so lovely “me’s” – the tired me, the “mad-at-the-computer” me, the “frustrated-with-stupid-paperwork” me, even the “I-really-don’t-have-time-for-a-student-today” me, just to name a few. Somehow for this family, our time together translated into the letter now sitting before me, and into the “there’s-a-special-place-in-Heaven-for-doctors-such-as-you” me. Wow …
This week, I invite you to reflect on your own “manyme's" and how they show up for you at work (and outside of work). Consider taking some time to share what you observe with your PeerRx partner. Even for those aspects that you perhaps find “unlovely” or “inconvenient,” recognize that they are part of who you are and someone got you to this point. Sure, I don’t want “grumpy” me, “distant” me or even “efficient” me to be the predominant me to who shows up at work or anywhere else. Yet, even they are showing up for a reason. And somehow, at least according to my patient and his mother, there’s a place in “Heaven” for them too.
PS: For a adorable short Sesame Street segment about our many “me’s” (circa 1991), click here: Link