Making the Most of Our Time Together

“The first step in convening people meaningfully is committing to a bold, sharp purpose.” – Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering:  How We Meet and Why it Matters

“It’s been great meeting in person again!” a colleague enthusiastically shared recently.  “I miss the convenience and casual nature of virtual,” lamented another. The contrast was striking.  They were talking about the same meeting and coming to two very different conclusions.  I’ve found this difference of perspective is not unique, and has left me reflecting on my own recent experience.    

For me, trying to find a rhythm as we begin to create our “new normal” has been mixed bag.  I’ve recently attended both a leadership retreat and a professional conference that would not have been nearly as impactful had they been held on a virtual platform, and yet I’ve also attended recent live, virtual, and “hybrid” meetings that have felt unfocused, inefficient, ineffective, or even unnecessary.  In some cases, I’ve even felt less rather than more connected with the others in attendance at the end of the meeting.  

In her provocative book The Art of Gathering, author Priya Parker shares the following reflection:  “Why do we gather? We gather to solve problems that we can't solve on our own.  We gather to celebrate, to morn, and to mark transitions. We gather to make decisions.  We gather because we need one another. We gather to show strength. We gather to honor and acknowledge. We gather to build companies, and schools, and neighborhoods. We gather to welcome and we gather to say goodbye. .. But here's the great paradox of gathering. There are so many good reasons for coming together that often we don't know precisely why we're doing so.”

In other words, we regularly gather because we are a “gathering species” – being socially connected is coded into our DNA.  However, we also know that not all gatherings are created equal.  Consider some of your recent significant times together with colleagues, family, friends, and neighbors.  Why did you gather?  Were there explicit and mutually understood intentions for those times, or did they seem routine, even mundane?  Having a clear and commonly shared understanding of purpose can allow you to ensure the design and structure of the time together fits with the intention for which you are gathering.  Without being specific about those details and planning accordingly, there can be inadequate preparation, misaligned expectations, and the risk of squandering an opportunity not only for any connection, but for more deeply meaningful connection. 

In these challenging times, we need all the meaningful connection we can get.  So this week as you come together with others in many different settings (including both live and virtual), ask yourself not only the purpose of the gathering, but also how the process might best be structured to meet that purpose.  Then prepare yourself and the other participants so you can show up as your best selves.  As Priya Parker notes, “Gatherings consume our days and help determine the kind of world we live in.”  Let’s choose wisely and intentionally to create a world where we make the most of our time together, one gathering at a time ….

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