Recharging Your Pause! Button

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”   Viktor Frankl, MD 

It’s been 75 years since Viktor Frankl’s life-changing book “Man’s Search for Meaning,” based on his 3 years as Nazi concentration camp prisoner, was published.  I first learned of Dr. Frankl’s work when I read Stephen Covey’s book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” decades ago.  The first of Covey’s 7 Habits, “Be Proactive,” is anchored in Dr. Frankl’s notion that while we may not have complete control regarding the many challenges that come into our lives (such as COVID-19), we have much more control as how we emotionally respond to those stimuli than many realize.  And the secret to that response is in developing the ability to pause and create a  “potential space” between the stimulus and what happens next.

As I began to experience the existence of this potential space, I realized that much of my emotional life was spent in reaction to stimuli, and that many of my stronger negative emotions were being dictated by my amygdala (fight or flight) rather than being regulated by my pre-frontal cortex (the “adult in the room”).   And more importantly, that I had the ability to choose my attitude in any circumstance.   

This understanding that I no longer had to be held captive to my emotions literally changed my life at the time.  But while the concept is seemingly a simple one, I found making the change from “victim” to “owner” was not easy.  In fact, I created a literal “Pause! Button” which I wore and would press when I found myself becoming distressed as a reminder for me to provide a space to consider my emotional choices. 

While remembering to “pause” when feeling distressed has become easier over time, strong negative emotions have a way of making me “forgetful” of this life-changing reality.  And there have certainly been many opportunities for this over the past months, with the feelings of frustration, weariness, anger, and helplessness (and many others) sometimes overwhelming my Pause! Button and draining it of its power.  

One of the important ways I have found to recharge my Pause! Button is through dialogue with trusted colleagues so we can process our many challenges together.  When one of us is forgetting the existence of that “potential space,” another is there to provide a reminder that while frustration, anger, and other strong emotions are certainly understandable options in the midst of COVID-19, there are other, more life-giving choices as well.   Your PeerRx partner should be one such colleague.  They can help ensure that you are emotionally “choosing wisely.”

So thanks in advance for remembering to use your Pause! Button this week, and for keeping it fully charged and in optimal working condition.  All those you work with and care for will be glad you did.  And so will you ….