Watch Your Language

“Whatever you add on to ‘I am’ will be added on to you.”   Unknown

I don’t remember exactly where and when I first read this, or even who wrote it.  That was more than a decade ago.  What I do remember is that upon reading it something in me said, “Whoa!  That was really important!”    

What do you add on to “I am”?  Overwhelmed?  Weary?  Angry?  Frustrated?  Or perhaps Grateful?  Blessed?  Loved?  Those two simple words, “I am,” have incredible power, as they imply a core identity … an essence.  And too often the essence expressed is one that takes on a “negative charge.”    

Psychiatrist and author Daniel Amen teaches that our brains are often infested with ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts).  These ANTs can become our “I am” stories and those “I am” stories can quickly begin to define our lives.  Think about your self-talk over the past few weeks.  Likely there’s been a lot of “emotional chatter,” and if you’re like most, a fair amount of that would be considered negative were you rating it.      

The good news is that there are actions you can take to consciously and deliberately reframe your “I am” stories, and in particular the negative ones.  One simple action is to substitute the word “feel” for “am” – as in “I feel weary” or “I feel overwhelmed”, or even “I feel angry.”  Just that shift alone can provide an honest emotional self-assessment without it feeling like a defining character trait.  Another helpful action is to focus your “I am” on those things that you truly want added into your life, such as “I am grateful” or “I am loved.”     

I regularly remind colleagues that it is important to “feel what you feel,” but those emotions, particularly the negative ones, don’t need to dominate our lives.   Just raising your awareness of your thoughts and language around these simple phrases can be uplifting and affirming. 

And we could all sure use more of that right now…!