Who’s Your 2 A.M. Friend?

“I need your help …”   Not said by enough of us often enough

Even though I already knew the story and the tragic ending, putting an even more human face on it was painful to read.  On April 26th, Lorna Breen, MD, emergency medicine physician, medical director, daughter, sister, and friend and inspiration to many, committed suicide.  After weeks of trying to navigate the personal distress brought on by her experience treating patients, often unsuccessfully, on the front lines of the early COVID-19 pandemic in New York City and trying to recover from the illness herself, she apparently reached a point where she felt that she could not go on living.

Though she had sought out and received help along the way, on that day she did not reach out to anyone.  We will never know what she was thinking, as she left no communication – just a void in many lives and questions that don’t have easy answers (for those unfamiliar with her story, here is a link to the July 11th NY Times story - Article ). 

Here’s what I do know.  While Dr. Breen’s circumstances were quite extreme, none of us are immune from the distressors of this professional (and personal) journey, and like her, we never know when they might exceed our threshold to cope on our own.  And if that time were to come (or if you are in the middle of it right now), what is your plan as to who you will reach out to for help?  Who are your 2 A.M. friends – friends (beyond your spouse/partner) you know you could call any time day or night when your life is crashing around you or you have exhausted your ability to cope and they would be there for you? 

As we know from our medical training, the time to plan for a medical emergency is not in the middle of the emergency.  So why would we do any less for our own lives?  The best way to have 2 A.M. friends is to be one, by explicitly letting close colleagues know you want to be included in their life as someone they could call if they find themselves in a dark place and you would be there for them.   Then ask if they would be willing to be there for you. 

Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but rather wisdom.  No one should care alone – and that includes you!